Continue

Restart

Having playback issues?

Towing Nowhere Fast

S2 : E2

TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 02.07.97

Meet delinquents who think they're "Out of the Frying Pan," someone who is "Towing Nowhere Fast" and "Starving Stooge," a total "Incompetent" as well as someone "Always on the Job."

Follow on Facebook Follow on Twitter Follow on Instagram

Crime is no laughing matter — except when the criminals are bumbling fools.

Cast

Daniel Butler, Debbie Alan,Beaumont Bacon

Executive Producers

Larry Rose

full-episodes (26)

Return to Cinder

S1 : E1 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 01.26.96

In the series premiere of "America's Dumbest Criminals," we witness a guy who graduated from the school of hard knocks, a chef with a recipe for arrest and a drug bust with a twist.
Funky Footwork

S1 : E2 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 02.02.96

Witness some pretty funky footwork, a drive-by surprise and a mighty fall from grace.
Two Bits

S1 : E3 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 02.09.96

Witness a girlfriend who bails out her beau, frightening footage with a happy ending and more.
Pull Over and Wake Up

S1 : E4 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 02.16.96

Witness a criminal who falls asleep just behind the wheel, dumb criminals on ice and more.
Kickstand Blues

S1 : E5 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 02.23.96

Witness the crook caught by the cop without a kickstand, surveillance-cam footage and more.
The Bagman

S1 : E6 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 03.01.96

Witness a bank robber without a car or a brain, a dumb criminal who gets a special delivery and more.
Fooled You

S1 : E7 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 03.08.96

Witness a fool and his jewels, a crime that was not well done and three lightweights with a heavy load.
Social Climber

S1 : E8 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 03.08.96

Witness a social climber falling fast, a cat's stolen whiskers and a major incident with a miniature reenactment.
Don't Call the Police

S1 : E9 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 03.15.96

Witness a break-in at the wrong house, a panty plucker who has to pay the piper and a dumb criminal who almost got away.
10-Year Cab Ride

S1 : E10 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 03.22.96

Witness a 10-year cab ride, a dumb criminal who uses his head and a criminal who has a very bad payday.
Skunk Driver

S1 : E11 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 03.29.96

Witness a D.U.I. with a W.I.F.E., a comically disabled criminal and a traffic temper that goes wrong.
Buck Naked

S1 : E12 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 04.05.96

Witness a flasher who falls asleep on the job, a shoplifting film fest and a drug deal that goes wrong before it goes right.
Name Game

S1 : E13 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 04.12.96

Witness our first dumb twin criminals, actual surveillance-cam footage you won't believe and Rin Tin Tin meeting a dummy.
Who Is It?

S1 : E14 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 04.19.96

Witness some dopers who are a little too hospitable, a jewelry store full of dumb criminals and a dumb criminal who is disarmed and dangerous.
A Real Drunk Driver

S1 : E15 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 04.26.96

Witness a drunk driver taking more than he bargained for, a Glad bag that turns into a sad sack and more.
He Can't Run

S1 : E16 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 05.03.96

Witness a dumb criminal who can hide but can't run, another who becomes the Houdini of dumb crime and a guy who gets put on the beat cycle at the laundromat.
Beer Box Bandit

S1 : E17 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 05.10.96

Witness a bandit with a beer box for a brain, surveillance footage of the shortest workday in history and a dumb criminal who cashed and burned.
An Affair to Forget

S1 : E18 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 05.17.96

Witness two criminals who absolutely never met, surveillance-camera footage of a new dance step and a dramatic dumb criminal drumroll.
Something More Comfortable

S1 : E19 | TV-14 | 22 min | Aired: 05.24.96

Witness a little old lady from Pasadena tell her secret, see X-ray footage of a dumb criminal and catch purse snatchers who don't get the picture.
Tooling Around Town

S1 : E20 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 05.31.96

Witness two dumb criminals with extremely short-term memory, actual surveillance footage of two women dressed for arrest and a crime that's all in a small family.
Crime Time Live

S1 : E21 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 06.07.96

Witness a drunk driver with a lame excuse, surveillance-camera footage of a real breaking and entering as well as an aloha to a crapshooter.
One-Way Ticket to Jail

S1 : E22 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 06.14.96

Witness the dumb criminal who just couldn't blend in, surveillance-camera footage of a bro in a bra and some dumb criminals who deconstruct.
Debriefing

S1 : E23 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 06.21.96

Witness a dumb criminal who thinks he's lucky, actual footage of a sting you won't believe and a rat who gets caught in his own trap.
Search Me

S1 : E24 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 06.28.96

Witness an unbelievably cooperative criminal, surveillance-cam footage of a casino full of dumb criminals and some dumb criminals who have serious car trouble.
DUI Elvis

S1 : E25 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 07.05.96

Witness a man driving under the influence of Elvis, a high-speed chase in a camouflaged car and a petty thief who meets the caped crusader.
Bad Luck Brown

S1 : E26 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 07.12.96

Witness a dumb criminal with real bad luck, surveillance-cam footage of a man pilfering pork chops and a dumb criminal who was just faking it.
Sticking to the Job

S2 : E1 | TV-14 | 22 min | Aired: 01.31.97

Meet offenders who are "Sticking to the Job" and enjoying "Naked Brunch," someone that becomes a "Locked-In Loser" and a total "Potty Mouth."
Towing Nowhere Fast

S2 : E2 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 02.07.97

Meet delinquents who think they're "Out of the Frying Pan," someone who is "Towing Nowhere Fast" and "Starving Stooge," a total "Incompetent" as well as someone "Always on the Job."
Keyless Klutz

S2 : E3 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 02.14.97

Meet offenders with nicknames like "Keyless Klutz," "Bad Liver Lady," "Cheap Trick" and "Stash Flash." Then, meet a "Wiener Dog" and hear some "Courthouse Rock."
Dial-A-Narc

S2 : E4 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 01.24.97

In this episode, culprits will "Dial-A-Narc," remind us "You Only Live Vice," discover "Scales on the Roof" and go "Out on a Limb."
Asinine Alibis

S2 : E5 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 01.21.96

Offenders use "Asinine Alibis," try on "Santa Clogs," reveal that they're "Swinging Single" and remind you "Diamonds Are a Kid's Best Friend."
Stuffed Turkey

S2 : E6 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 01.31.97

Culprits try to get away with a "Stuffed Turkey" and "Swamp Things," someone will be a "Taunting Car Robber" and we'll discover the misery of the "Safe Quakers."
Courting Trouble

S2 : E7 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 02.07.97

Witness delinquents "Courting Trouble," those who "Batter Up," ones who decide to start "Dumbin' in the Rough" and another who becomes a "Restaurant Roof Clown."
Bottled-Up Robber

S2 : E8 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 02.14.97

Witness the "Bottled-Up Robber," "Fumigation Burglar" and experience a "Rocky Mountain High."
Shell Shocked

S2 : E9 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 02.21.97

In this episode, dumb criminals get "Shell Shocked," attempt the "Swipe and Wipe" and experience "Heist Anxiety." We'll also witness the "Rice Man Cometh."
Crate Escape

S2 : E10 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 02.28.97

Delinquents attempt a "Crate Escape," show off their "Bad News Boobs," try on their "Gotta Be the Shoes" and then make a "Pit Stop."
Caught Off Guard

S2 : E11 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 03.07.97

In this episode, offenders are "Caught Off Guard," experience "Squirrel Nut Speeder," realize they're "Not Out of the Woods" and request "One Moment Please."
Easy-Offed

S2 : E12 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 03.14.97

Witness dumb criminals get "Easy-Offed," notice someone "Flew the Coop," meet "Helena Handbag" and get the "Door Jammed."
The Boulder, The Stupider

S2 : E13 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 03.21.97

In this episode, explore "The Boulder, The Stupider," witness "Moon Over First Fed," see how "Brothers Cool Off" and experience the "Road Flasher."
Helping Hands

S2 : E14 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 03.21.97

Someone gets "Helping Hands" and a criminal gets a "Walked Dog, Curbed Brain." We'll also witness "Chasing Lamey" and another who struggles with "Shorts of Breath."
Lights, Camera, Busted

S2 : E15 | TV-14 | 19 min | Aired: 04.04.97

See someone get "Lights, Camera, Busted," witness "A Gutsy Gal Applying Herself," see a criminal get "All Dressed Up" and ask, "You Want Butter on Your Fingers?"
Roller Bullies

S2 : E16 | TV-14 | 19 min | Aired: 04.11.97

In this episode, laugh at "Roller Bullies," a "Motorhome Madman," the "Breaking of a Habit" and an instance of "Monkey Not See, Monkey Do."
Rookie Robber

S2 : E17 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 04.18.97

A dumb driver hands over more than his license, newlyweds get a surprise gift, rookie robbers make a bad first impression and officers discover catching two dumb criminals is better than one.
A Soggy Suspect

S2 : E18 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 04.25.97

A soggy suspect leaves a sopping trail for the cops, a shifty shopper checks out with more than his receipt, a casual crook makes a fashion faux pas and a man shoots mental blanks.
A Boatload of Bozos

S2 : E19 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 05.02.97

Bozos toss more than their cookies in a high-speed chase, a suspect picks the wrong day to film home movies, a moron hitches the wrong ride home and a mugger makes sly moves on the wrong couple.
Chilly Willy Strikes a Pose

S2 : E20 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 05.09.97

A chilly willy strikes a pose, a peculiar pinhead poaches a puppy, a sticky-fingered felon gets his day in court and a chatty Cathy expresses her innermost thoughts.
Follow-the-Loser

S2 : E21 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 05.16.97

Some kids have a "counter fit," a man enjoys his room with a view, cops play a little "follow the loser" and a woman shares her arts and crafts secrets.
Dress for Success

S2 : E22 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 05.23.97

A drunk does some local landscaping, a crook takes an unusual pit stop, a burglar dresses for success and a suspect has the last word down at the station.
An Indecent Proposal

S2 : E23 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 05.30.97

A man adds more than sugar to his coffee, a Yuletide burglar gets caught with his pants down, a loser picks the wrong place to light up and a stoner makes an indecent proposal to a cop.
Halloween Hoodlum

S2 : E24 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 06.06.97

A hoodlum picks the wrong clerk to hold up, an arguing couple lets a cop settle their differences, a bank robber gets robbed himself and a crook gets caught with the goods after a car accident.
Moronic Macarena

S2 : E25 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 06.13.97

A crook packs his bags and runs for it, a kid does a moronic "Macarena" on a friend's car, a senior expresses his feelings for a local store and a guy in his birthday suit gets pulled over.
The Wrong Crustacean

S2 : E26 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 06.20.97

A careless criminal stuffs the wrong crustacean in his pants, a parachutist runs into a technical difficulty, a confused crook runs into the arms of the law and an escaped con forgets his glasses.
Best-Dressed Criminals

S3 : E1 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 09.26.98

Witness joy-riding teenagers desperately in need of drivers' ed, some best-dressed burglars and a scenario worse than just getting your hand stuck in a toilet.
Man vs. Machine

S3 : E2 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 10.03.98

Witness a criminal getting away more evil than Knievel, an insider theft of diamonds big enough to choke on and a relentless battle of man vs. machine.
Funeral Flare-Up

S3 : E3 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 10.10.98

Witness a small town getting terrorized by a big pig, a hard-hitting reminder of why one should always wear a helmet and a flare-up at a funeral home.
Home Exterminator

S3 : E4 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 10.17.98

Witness a home exterminator ridding a house of valuables, a camera catching a burglar literally breaking and then entering as well as a criminal who gets the shaft before court.
Rookie Robbery

S3 : E5 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 10.24.98

Witness two rookie robbers starting a life of crime, a lady who holds a full mink coat in her stretch pants and a liquor store robber whose plan is 100-proof stupid.
Restroom Robber

S3 : E6 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 10.31.98

Witness a criminal you might mistake for an action star, a man caught in the women's restroom and a guy looking to meet girls by breaking into cars.
Squirreled Away

S3 : E7 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 11.07.98

Witness some serious squirrel coaxing, an ATM that becomes an ATV and a man who hopes no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
Singing for Supper

S3 : E8 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 11.14.98

Witness a huge divide of loot when you bring everyone you know on a caper, a group of officers who makes criminals sing for their supper and a clever way to break into a store.
Private Peeping Tom

S3 : E9 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 11.21.98

Witness a Peeping Tom protective over his territory, a drunk driver with a lasting impression that leaves him high and dry as well as a man wired on more than nicotine.
Stealing Stinks

S3 : E10 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 11.28.98

Witness a man who breaks into a van and gets more than he bargained for, a robber who could use a pail and shovel for his disguise and a guy who literally reeks of guilt.
Stool Pigeons

S3 : E11 | TV-14 | 20 min | Aired: 01.16.99

Witness a parrot that might really be a stool pigeon, some teenagers out in the middle of the night and the world's slowest car chase.
Half-Baked Burglary

S3 : E12 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 01.23.99

Witness what happens when a guy has a half-baked idea to steal a bread truck, a major mistake with a major appliance that stops a crook cold and much more.
Bumper Crop

S3 : E13 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 01.30.99

Witness someone trying to make their mark, a photo-happy, proud pot grower and someone who skimps on the expense of a full-time getaway driver.
On Thin Ice

S3 : E14 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 02.06.99

Witness a crook sliding on thin ice before a major slip-up, a wake-up call for criminals to select new careers and much more.
Meter-Maid Rescue

S3 : E15 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 02.13.99

Witness a guy choosing a strange way to make up with his girlfriend, the underestimated crime-fighting force of meter maids and much more.
Chimney Surprise

S3 : E16 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 02.20.99

Witness a few criminals who try to play Santa and dive down a chimney, a cab driver who gets the best of a passenger and a man who should have just called a ride.
Pot Pup

S3 : E17 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 02.27.99

Witness a pup with some pot whose owners get collared, law enforcement's cool new invention and a thief with a flood of problems.
Picture Perfect

S3 : E18 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 03.06.99

Witness a developing case of picture-perfect stupidity, a clumsy duct-dwelling criminal with nowhere to vent his anger and a dope two time zones from his destination.
Sticky Fingers

S3 : E19 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 03.13.99

Witness a criminal who misses his exit by a long shot, a criminal-tagging pizza boomerang and some misguided fellows who turn themselves in after a wrong turn.
Houdumbi

S3 : E20 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 05.01.99

Witness a getaway plan based on running in a circle, a silly crook whose magic trick earns him the name Houdumbi and a blockhead in a cell who regrets passing a note.
Saucy Saga

S3 : E21 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 05.08.99

Witness a toilet-bound, wrench-wielding sector of society, a man in his birthday suit caught by an undercover officer and the saucy saga of a man saved by a grocery item.
Who's Got Mail?

S3 : E22 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 05.15.99

Witness a mailman hungry for birthday cards, a man intoxicated by his own Molotov cocktail and a canine officer with a story that'd be a mistake to ignore.
Need a Lift

S3 : E23 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 05.22.99

Witness a couple getting more than their belongings back, a cop who helps a criminal with his pants and a fella who can't recall his unforgettable night.
Short Fuse

S3 : E24 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 05.29.99

Witness a criminal with a handful of dynamite and a short fuse, a crook getting familiar with license plates before jail and a sure-fire accident waiting to happen.
Diaper Boy

S3 : E25 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 06.05.99

Witness a video proving the escalator won't be the only thing going down, a camera showing more than bears in the woods and a diaper-fitted criminal who earns a spanking.
Sleepy Service

S3 : E26 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 06.12.99

Witness a robber counting cash while a waitress counts sheep, some guys who would rather not wait for a sale and much more.
Blunted Burglary

S4 : E1 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 08.07.99

Witness a man wearing a useless disguise, a criminal who forgets to bring a gun to a shootout and a not-so-sharp thief who puts an antique knife in his pocket.
Gun Target

S4 : E2 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 08.14.99

Witness the reason for all those missing office supplies, a man who thinks he's the target of a 21-gun salute and a joker whose trash is a breadcrumb trail.
Up in Smoke

S4 : E3 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 08.21.99

Witness a fella whose sense of judgment goes up in smoke, a guy on the run who calls 9-1-1 to check if he has any warrants and an officer with a trick up his sleeve.
Carry-Out Bandits

S4 : E4 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 08.28.99

Witness a cabbie whose meter is running but not his mind, the reason teachers teach you not to play with fire extinguishers and what happens when bandits order to go.
Back-Breaking Burden

S4 : E5 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 09.04.99

Witness a crook who enters a car dealership unannounced, the back-breaking burden of stealing $3,000 in coins and what happens when you mess with 50k volts of electricity.
Walking Nightmares

S4 : E6 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 09.11.99

Witness a search by police that gets hotter and hotter while elsewhere a criminal gets colder and colder.
Artificial Dummy

S4 : E7 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 09.18.99

Witness misbehaving crack buyers, a bunch of guys who want electronics for nothing and some dummies with a dummy — but who's dumber?
Run-Away Cyclist

S4 : E8 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 09.25.99

Witness what it takes to steal a car from a police lock-up, a washed-up run-away cyclist who hits the spin cycle and a bail bondsman who dresses up to catch his man.
Brain Freeze Bandit

S4 : E9 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 10.02.99

Witness a man doing something crazy in an even crazier place, a nutty-butty behind the wheel of an ice cream truck and a buzzed stoner whose credibility goes up in smoke.
Half-Ton of Trouble

S4 : E10 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 10.09.99

Witness the mark of a fender bender or a new kind of hit-and-run, a half-ton of trouble when a tailgate ends up on the road and a strange pick-up on a surveillance video.
Courting Disaster

S4 : E11 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 10.16.99

Witness the difference between a leap of faith and taking a dive, a disastrous character witness and some funny business happening right underneath someone's nose.
Dynamite Date

S4 : E12 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 10.23.99

Witness a man who brings dynamite instead of flowers, a suspect conducting his own strip search and what today's drunk drivers are doing to keep physically fit.
Mannequin Mystery

S4 : E13 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 10.30.99

Witness whether it's possible to do the right thing by making the wrong turn, a lifelike store mannequin and a sign of trouble for a sneaky criminal.
Clowning Around

S4 : E14 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 11.06.99

Witness some on-the-run teenagers who don't know when to quit, a wacked-out clown who belongs in the circus and a shifty defendant who dismisses himself from court.
Donut Thief

S4 : E15 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 11.13.99

Witness an inmate in a hurry, someone dressed like they should be in a hurry and what you need to catch sticky-fingered donut thieves.
Buckle Under Pressure

S4 : E16 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 11.20.99

Witness thieves who get a car but discover the car has got them, a man under pressure about some blood and a fulfilled wish about the bank being open when needed.
Collared Criminal

S4 : E17 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 11.27.99

Witness how the consumption of alcohol makes a person more sophisticated, how far a canine officer will go to catch a criminal running wild and your tax dollars at work.
Crack Pipe Crackpot

S4 : E18 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 01.15.00

Witness a convenience store counter that spontaneously becomes a fireworks stand, the true pride of ownership from a crackpot with a crack pipe and some real idiots in a car.
Invasion of Privacy

S4 : E19 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 01.22.00

Witness a suspect having his privacy invaded, the theft of a patrol car as well as a man making his way out of the frying pan and into the fire — or at least into a swamp.
Confetti Money

S4 : E20 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 01.29.00

Witness a bright mind throwing money like confetti, a robber new to the world of handgun safety and a thief who escaped without a trace — except for an irrefutable video.
Courageous Crime-Fighting

S4 : E21 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 02.05.00

Witness a woman who definitely doesn't like her chain yanked, some suspects who find themselves tailed by dogs and a stuffed Dalmatian doll sure to inspire some courage.
Clean-Up Crew

S4 : E22 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 02.12.00

Witness a cleaning lady who picks up too much, how running of a stop sign can rob you of a social life and the gal with whom you don't want to share a ride.
Recipe for Disaster

S4 : E23 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 02.12.00

Witness an inmate who isn't getting out on good behavior, someone not cooking like Julia Child and pot-smoking workmen who help set up the camera that catch them.
Piñata Surprise

S4 : E24 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 02.19.00

Witness some sailors out for a good time who quickly begin to sink, a surprise for a car thief and much more.
Not-So-Clean Getaway

S4 : E25 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 02.26.00

Witness how a dog’s "evidence" helps take down a bike thief, how waiving the right to remain silent can also be waving your farewell and a man very lost in his getaway.
Check Your Bags

S4 : E26 | TV-14 | 21 min | Aired: 03.04.00

Witness a criminal who regrets the way he tackles a safe, clock a macho man with some explaining to do and discover why it's a good idea to check your bags.

Next Show Title

Next Episode Title

Towing Nowhere Fast

Cast

Executive Producers

You May Also Like